{"id":28157,"title":"Let's start at the beginning","description":"Hey there, fellow mamas! Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but it can, oh, be so difficult. I hope my experience will resonate with you and give you a bit more confidence if you're struggling.","content":"<p><strong>Hey there, fellow mamas!<\/strong><\/p><p>Well, maybe not quite at the very beginning. We'll skip my childhood, adolescence, etc. and fast-forward to being happily married and starting to think about children.<\/p><p>Apparently, in our case, starting to think about children can be very potent, because we had our first one just over a year after our wedding (apologies to those who struggle!). And no, we did not expect it to happen so quickly.<\/p><p>But it wasn\u2019t all rose petals and sunshine. I had a really hard time during pregnancy, dealing with debilitating nausea, massive body image issues, and all sorts of problems that affected not only my physical, but also mental health.<\/p><p>The difficult pregnancy, somewhat traumatic birth, and the eye-opening experience of what having to look after another (tiny!) human being actually entails really messed me up.<\/p><p>I was just about holding it together enough to be able to provide good care to my child, but it was more out of felt obligation at first than anything else. It took weeks to finally feel this wonderful, amazing, unconditional love for my baby.<\/p><p>But even then something wasn't right. My identity, my body image, my confidence, all took a beating throughout the process and, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get them back up again. For months, I felt weak, I felt like a failure and like a terrible mother.<\/p><blockquote><p style=\"text-align:center;\">\u00a0<strong>PREGNANCY CAN BE DIFFICULT, BUT IT DOESN\u2019T MEAN IT\u2019S NOT BEAUTIFUL.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote><p><img src=\"https:\/\/images.teemill.com\/bspjxk2h9epe1tt1qlurvkomd5wmvr1ntgxrhzhoqtmk0mvq.png.png?w=1140&amp;v=2\" alt=\"bspjxk2h9epe1tt1qlurvkomd5wmvr1ntgxrhzhoqtmk0mvq.png.png?w=1140&amp;v=2\" \/>My journey started over five years ago and I sometimes still struggle with self-esteem. But the word 'sometimes' is key here. Because eventually I did find peace. I found myself again, or rather I discovered my new self, bit by bit. And I am still discovering new things about who I am and it\u2019s such an exciting process. Through motherhood I learned so much about myself. <\/p><ul><li><p><strong>I am most certainly not weak. <\/strong><\/p><\/li><li><p><strong>I am most certainly not a failure. <\/strong><\/p><\/li><li><p><strong>I am most certainly NOT a bad mother.<\/strong><\/p><\/li><li><p><strong>But I am most certainly NOT perfect either (neither would I want to be).<\/strong><\/p><p><\/p><\/li><\/ul><p>This journey of self-discovery took a long time and, I dare say, is still in progress. And I want to tell you all about it. Here, I\u2019ll be talking about all the things that helped me along the way, both small things that required very little thought and effort, but also those that called for some thoughtful preparation and carefully carved out me-time. <\/p><p>You\u2019re probably thinking: \u201cah, well, that\u2019s not for me then, I will never be able to find time for things other than family, work, kids, [insert all that you think is more important than you]\u201d. But let me tell you, you\u2019re mistaken. <\/p><blockquote><p><strong>You ARE important. <\/strong><\/p><p><strong>VERY important. <\/strong><\/p><p><strong>THE MOST IMPORTANT, in fact. <\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote><p>Your health and wellbeing is what your children depend on. The better you are, the better you are able to take care of everybody else. So find the time. Time to heal, time to do something for yourself, time to be you \u2013 the \u2018you\u2019 that you want to be. \u00a0<\/p><p>But who do you want to be? What will be the first step in becoming that person? You\u2019re not sure? That\u2019s quite alright. It took me forever to figure it out. And although I can\u2019t tell you who you want to be, talking through my experience will hopefully give you a good idea where to start your search.<\/p><blockquote><p style=\"text-align:center;\"><strong>MOTHERHOOD IS THE CRAZIEST THING YOU\u2019LL EVER EXPERIENCE!<\/strong><\/p><p style=\"text-align:center;\"><\/p><\/blockquote><p>\u00a0When I became a mother, my entire world was turned upside down. I was no longer in charge of anything. Not my time, not my house, not even my body \u2013 absolute madness. Now, for a control freak like myself, that was a big adjustment, and one that I wasn\u2019t prepared for. The \u2018baby blues\u2019 lasted significantly longer than I was told it would. And on top of all that, I was horrendously sleep deprived, which definitely didn\u2019t help matters. And that was the case for ages.<\/p><p><img src=\"https:\/\/images.teemill.com\/yvqzx4h97ssuwm355eb8dzptm6v4lkertwifmkgllhyaliwn.png.png?w=1140&amp;z=1.2000000000000002&amp;fx=0.43706238645357703&amp;fy=0.41666666666666663&amp;v=2\" alt=\"gxliycwsjbn5ggoithcbm1xsvt4vzf5wswiyyx2satdxnvof.png.png?w=1140&amp;v=2\" \/><\/p><p>I found it impossible to ask for help the first time round because I was ashamed. I was made to feel inadequate by the society, who decided that mothers can\u2019t be anything short of perfect. Or perhaps it was just a stereotype so firmly embedded in my brain that my own perceptions were skewed. In any case, the way I saw it then was that asking for help was an admission of failure. And I didn\u2019t want people to know how weak I was, how much I struggled. So I suffered in silence. Eventually, with the support of my wonderful husband, I managed to dig myself out of the judgemental hole, but it took years to truly believe that I AM a great mother.<\/p><p>This made me wonder, how many other mothers still feel like they can't talk about their struggles. They may worry that admitting they're struggling will make them seem like a bad mother or that they'll be judged by others. They may also feel like they're supposed to be able to handle everything on their own, and that asking for help is a sign of weakness.\u00a0<\/p><p>But it\u2019s not!<\/p><p><strong>It takes a lot of strength and courage to ask for help when you need it.<\/strong><\/p><p>So, if you're a mother who's struggling, please know that you're not alone. It's okay to ask for help, and it's essential to prioritize your mental health and wellbeing.<\/p><blockquote><p style=\"text-align:center;\"><strong>USE BAD EXPERIENCES AS AN EXCUSE TO REINVENT YOURSELF.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote><p>I don\u2019t remember exactly how I came to realise that what I needed was some distance from myself, and everything else. But that\u2019s exactly what happened. That realisation saved me. It opened the door and allowed me to explore ways in which I could heal, recover, and learn about my new self. And I\u2019ve learnt a lot!<\/p><p>And what I\u2019ve learnt is this: I am, first of all, a mother. I say it proudly and tenderly because it is the choice that I made and my babies are my treasures. But that doesn\u2019t mean that it\u2019s been easy, or that I have no aspirations in other areas of my life. So I began to wonder what it is that brings me joy besides my children.<\/p><p>My bumpy journey made me realise that what I find release in is creativity. And now I have various creative outlets, like writing, crochet, crafting with my children, Amazon KDP.... But more about those some other time. The bottom line is creativity helped me become the best mother I can be, and not only because I tend to create lots of stuff for my children. In my future posts, I\u2019ll delve deeper into this topic and what it is that I do to feed my creative monster.<\/p><p>In the meantime, I\u2019m so glad you\u2019ve decided to join me. I started this blog because my experience as a first time mama wasn\u2019t great, to put it mildly and I want to do everything I can to make it better for any and every mother that happens to stumble across this blog. I want to make a difference in the lives of women who, perhaps, feel worthless, or ashamed of their shortcomings because nobody ever told them how hard motherhood truly is and that it\u2019s understandable to feel overwhelmed. I\u2019m passionate about raising awareness of mothers' mental health and wellbeing because nobody ever told me that it was OK, or even desirable to prioritise my mental health.<\/p><p><strong>We need to stick together and support each other!<\/strong><\/p><p>I want us, all of us who feel brave enough already, to challenge and defeat the stereotype and societal pressure of the \u2018perfect\u2019 mother, who has it all together, and always puts her children\u2019s needs above her own. The truth is that making sure we\u2019re as healthy and happy as we possibly can be, both physically and mentally, IS prioritizing our children too. When we take care of ourselves, we're better able to show up for our children and provide the care and support they need and deserve.<\/p><p>I believe that by creating a community of support and breaking down the stigma surrounding mental health, we can all help other mothers feel more comfortable talking about their feelings \u2013 positive or negative, and address their struggles by asking for help.\u00a0<\/p><p>So please, join me on this journey and my mission to raise awareness of mothers' mental health and let's create a world where mothers feel empowered to be who they truly are and encouraged to prioritize their own self-care. Perhaps my story will inspire you, or give you peace, or simply make you feel a little bit less alone. I sincerely hope that it does some good one way or another.<\/p><p>So sit tight. In my next post, I\u2019ll tell you all about how I found my superpower.<\/p><p>Until next time\u2026<\/p>","urlTitle":"lets-start-at-the-beginning","url":"\/blog\/lets-start-at-the-beginning\/","editListUrl":"\/my-blogs","editUrl":"\/my-blogs\/edit\/lets-start-at-the-beginning\/","fullUrl":"https:\/\/welldonemum.com\/blog\/lets-start-at-the-beginning\/","featured":false,"published":true,"showOnSitemap":true,"hidden":false,"visibility":null,"createdAt":1685482808,"updatedAt":1686315869,"publishedAt":1686315869,"lastReadAt":null,"division":{"id":285816,"name":"Well done Mum"},"tags":[],"metaImage":{"original":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/8num3w3mq7igwsvihytez4yhlaa0gfyu7sdcpefxmzdmisg1.png","thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/8num3w3mq7igwsvihytez4yhlaa0gfyu7sdcpefxmzdmisg1.png.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/8num3w3mq7igwsvihytez4yhlaa0gfyu7sdcpefxmzdmisg1.png.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"metaTitle":"","metaDescription":"","keyPhraseCampaignId":null,"series":[],"similarReads":[{"id":28155,"title":"Welcome, fellow mamas!","url":"\/blog\/welcome-fellow-mamas\/","urlTitle":"welcome-fellow-mamas","division":285816,"description":"Well done, Mum! blog is all about sharing personal stories about motherhood and building a community of support for all the mums out there.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/chd2wwcxxhczns2y6eep5qaner7t1mcppa4cvhrbdme9chrc.png.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/chd2wwcxxhczns2y6eep5qaner7t1mcppa4cvhrbdme9chrc.png.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0}],"labels":[]}